Something To Believe In
by marsh king's daughter
Summary: [On indefinite hiatus due to lack of interest]  When Riku meets a boy who can smile despite his pain, he wonders what it takes to find something that will make life worth living...unless he's already found it. AU YAOI RiSora


**Disclaimer: **As much as I _wish_ I owned Kingdom Hearts, I don't. And I'm broke this month, so suing me wouldn't get you anywhere.

**Warnings:** Language, child abuse, alcohol references, eventual lemon-y guy on guy action(if it gets that far)…all that good stuff. Definitely darker than my other fics.

oOoOo

**Chapter 1: **_Where Does the Good Go_

oOoOo

_Hey, Sora…do you remember when we first met? I think it was then that I first started wondering how long it had been since I stopped smiling. _

_I guess I just couldn't hide behind them like you could._

oOoOo

"So, Riku…any big plans for tomorrow?" came the nasally drawl from a tall, lanky redhead lazily resting his chin on the marble countertop in a small café.

"Just work," replied another boy, glancing back briefly over his shoulder at Axel while he poured a cup of coffee. "And sit up straight or I'll move you to a table. I just cleaned that."

Axel gave an exasperated sigh and made a show of sliding his chin off and slowly stretching his back out until he was upright as Riku set down the steaming beverage beside him. "Is that any way to treat a customer?" the redhead pouted. "I mean look at this place," he said, gesturing to the almost entirely empty room. "You should be thankful I give you as much business I do."

"I'd be thankful if you gave better tips," Riku snorted.

"I only give you what you work for," Axel said easily. "How 'bout a smile, or a 'Welcome!' or a 'What can I get for you today, sir?'? It's called customer service, Riku. Try it sometime."

Riku merely raised an eyebrow. "Watch what you say, Ax. You never know what I could be putting in your coffee."

The redhead glared at Riku and then eyed his drink suspiciously as the other boy turned around and began rinsing off dishes. "Anyways…don't you want to take the day off tomorrow or anything? It's your birthday, right?"

"…It's no big deal," Riku responded, back still turned.

"Come on, you've gotta at least be celebrating with your family or something. Cake, presents…that kind of thing?" the redhead asked incredulously.

But the other boy simply repeated, "Just work."

"Jeez, what do you even need the money for? It seems like you're working everyday, man," Axel said, finally taking a sip of his coffee after deciding that it had probably been an empty threat.

"Nothing in particular," Riku said after a moment.

"Well I guess your first girlfriend will be a lucky one. Speaking of which…" he trailed off, glancing at his watch. "I should probably get going. I've got a date with Naminé," Axel finished, grinning.

Riku made a non-committal noise, sliding the bill in front of the redhead who took the pen and filled it out quickly. "Here, a special tip for today. Happy birthday, buddy," he said, hopping down from the stool.

Riku glanced at his friend, lips pursing. "Yeah…thanks."

oOoOo

It was around eight when Riku got off work, shoving his hands deep inside the pockets of his coat as he stepped outside into the cold. It was the kind of day in early December that of course had every characteristic of winter _except_ for snow-the temperature so low that your skin quickly became numb if you stayed out for any prolonged period of time, the biting wind that made your eyes sting as soon as you walked outside, the short days that caused the streets to already be plunged into darkness save for the streetlamps and Christmas decorations as Riku made his way home.

He hurried inside his apartment building quickly, sighing as heat washed over him. He drew his hands out of his pockets to press the button for the elevator, fingers rosy and stiff from the cold. He rubbed his hands together as he looked up, watching the levels descend until it reached the lobby, giving a perky ding and opening its doors.

Riku made his way down the hallway of his floor, surprised when he turned the corner and was greeted with a large stack of cardboard boxes towering by the open door of the apartment across from his. He maneuvered his way carefully around the boxes, curiously peering through the door. He hadn't known that somebody was moving in…but then again he never really talked to any of the neighbors…

Riku jumped as he caught sight of movement from inside, and he quickly turned around to face his own apartment and began digging through his pocket, fumbling for the keys. However, he glanced back when he was greeted by a cheerful voice, saying, "Hi! Do you live here?"

Standing by the boxes was a boy who looked about his age, but considerably smaller. Oddly styled cinnamon spikes partly made up for the height difference however, and startling blue eyes looked at Riku expectantly. But it was the dazzling smile on the boy's face that made Riku's breath catch in his throat.

He nodded slowly. "Yeah…and you're moving in?" he asked, despite how obvious it was that this was true.

"Yup! I'm Sora Hikari…I guess we'll be neighbors from now on," the brunet said, still grinning and offering a small hand to the other boy.

"Riku Sugisaki," he replied, reaching out to shake Sora's hand and inhaling sharply at the sudden heat that clasped around his still slightly chilled palm. "Er, sorry," he mumbled, letting go abruptly. "It's cold."

"Don't worry about it," Sora replied, laughing melodically. "It was nice meeting you, Riku," he added, picking up another box.

"Yeah…you, too," said Riku quietly, finally pulling out his keys and turning them in the lock. With one last glance over his shoulder at the other boy's retreating form, he walked inside his apartment, shutting the door behind him.

The first thing that hit him was the strong smell of alcohol, although it was nothing unusual anymore. The lights in the living room were dim, and he reached over to flick another switch, revealing a middle aged man sprawled across the couch, surrounded by countless empty bottles of beer. Once again, nothing strange.

_Because it's the same thing everyday._

"Where the hell have you been?" came the slurred voice of the man, shifting on the couch to glare at Riku with sharp green eyes.

Riku turned away, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the hook by the door as he answered. "I was working, Dad…I told you this morning that I had a later shift today."

"I don't remember you ever saying that…don't you dare lie to me, boy. You're turning out just like your mother, aren't you?" Mr. Sugisaki sneered, eyes boring into Riku's back.

The teenager remained silent as he walked into the kitchen area and opened the fridge, looking through the few ingredients they had. "I'll start dinner, then," he said quietly.

"I believe I asked you a question, Riku," his father said, getting up and stumbling towards the kitchen.

"…Yeah. I am," Riku replied, turning on the stove and pulling out a large pot from a cupboard.

"In fact, I don't like this little job of yours very much," Mr. Sugisaki continued as Riku filled the pot with water and placed it on the stove. "What are you planning to do with all that money, huh?"

"Nothing, Dad," the silver-haired boy said, clenching his teeth.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE TO ME!" the man roared, angrily striding over to Riku. He grabbed the boy's upper arm, squeezing it painfully. The stench of liqueur puffing out from his father's breath nauseated Riku as Mr. Sugisaki asked, "You going to run away too?"

Riku said nothing, only kept his face turned away.

"YOU PLANNING ON RUNNING AWAY LIKE THAT BITCH OF YOUR MOTHER?! WHEN I ASK YOU A QUESTION YOU ANSWER ME, BOY!"

"…Don't call her that," Riku murmured softly.

"What did you say?" the older man asked.

"I _said_, don't call her that," Riku hissed louder this time, stumbling backwards as a strong fist slammed into his cheek and the grip on his arm was released.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that," Mr. Sugisaki said dangerously. "That's all she was, boy. Just a lying, selfish bitch. Don't you think for a second that she gave a fuck about you."

Riku was silent for a moment, the metallic taste of blood on the inside of his mouth. Then he asked quietly, "Do you know what tomorrow is?"

His father narrowed his eyes. "It doesn't make any difference what it is. It's just another fucking day, isn't it? Or is something special happening, something that will finally do me a fucking bit of good?" he sneered.

"…No. It's just another Saturday, that's all," Riku replied, not at all surprised when fingers clenched around the collar of his shirt.

Aquamarine eyes gazed coolly back at his father's, who spat, "You're a waste of my fucking time," before slamming him into the cabinets, his head connecting sharply with the wood.

oOoOo

Riku woke up groggily the next day, unsurprised to find that he hadn't been moved from the kitchen floor after passing out. He sat up slowly, reaching his hand back to feel through his silver hair, sighing when it was only a bump he found, not blood.

It didn't matter if it was his birthday; he already knew that this year would be no different from the last.

He winced as he got to his feet, his head throbbing sharply and his back extremely sore from lying on the hard linoleum all night. His father was no where in sight, much to his relief, so he stumbled into his bedroom, grabbing some clean clothes at random before heading into the small bathroom.

He examined his reflection in the mirror, focusing on the bruise on the side of his face. Thankfully it looked like most of it would be covered by his hair, and the rest could be taken care of with some concealer. The dark purple bruise that was almost always present on his arms was no matter…he would be wearing long sleeves anyway since it was winter.

He turned on the shower, letting it warm up as he began taking off his clothes. He sighed as he stepped in, the hot water sliding down the stiff muscles in his back.

_Just another day._

oOoOo

**Author's Notes: **Well…hmm. I don't really know what inspired this, and I'm not quite sure if I like it...after rereading it a couple times...not so much. It's kind of dark for me…usually the angst I write is the type that is easily resolved with some making out XD Not that I'm against writing this kind of angst, but I just think I have trouble with making it seem realistic(as the young, inexperienced and somewhat naive-despite-the-fact-that-I-write-yaoi girl that I am). So I'm not really sure if I'll continue it…but this is just going to be a personal decision-I'm not the type who threatens not to write if you don't review or anything O.o I just offer you cookies if you do :D

Anyways…if I decide to discontinue it I'll post that somewhere…if not, look forward to chapter 2? Lol, I don't even know. Or read my other stories if you want. They're better. Seriously. As desperate as I may sound for advertising them all over the place XD.

Love,

The wishy-washy Emmy-kins (who should really be writing her English essay instead...)

xoxo


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